This is an aftermath of my last post on getting a freelance diary. You can read my post on why you need a freelance diary by clicking here.
Ok, so a friend and I had a conversation, which he has permitted me to share, and it went thus:
‘Freelance diary? Please explain it to me.’
‘Ok. It has to do with documenting your inspirations and perspirations.’…
‘How about someone who doesn’t go back to what he has written, should he still continue to write?’
‘Yea, but first, he has to unravel the reason for not going back to them. Is he scared of what he has penned down?’
I believe the gift of writing is sacred (I am no just saying this because I’m a writer, but of course, you understand my bias), and like I strongly believe, every writer has a message.
However, fear isn’t peculiar to any one writer. The fear of having not written adequately, of criticism and most endangering, the fear of too big dreams documented on paper. The beautiful thing about paper- and by extension, all forms of documentation, is that they are material. You have penned it down, so you cannot just wish it away anymore, unlike when it was still in your mind.
Now, you are actually more driven towards the actualization of that dream on paper, now you are more inclined to share with the world, your own rose-spectacle viewed notions and ideas.
A few tips on dealing with the fear of our own writing are given below:
Yes, you wrote that!
I have been here too many times to deny it. It still happened recently and if I permit it to, it will happen today again; all I need do is go back in time to what I wrote just a month ago. I never get past being baffled at things I have written, and sometimes, they seem to jump at me out of the paper.
That warm gushy feeling of knowing that you wrote something so beautiful, can, however, give way to some kind of thinking that you might be unable to replicate that feat again. After all, you had no inclination (most times) that the end result of that scribbled idea would have such a ‘wow!’ effect. And so, it is easy to shrink in ‘reverence’ to what you have written.
Do you know the solution to this ‘wahala’? It is very simple…just WRITE! Like, in the present, not in the past (or past participle…chuckles).
Don’t put yourself under undue pressure to outperform your feats. The thing about art is that it flows…when a forced piece of art is produced, a keen heart knows!
So do me a favor, stay simple, stay real, stay productive. Stay original.
Will it come to pass?
This fear isn’t restricted to writers in the real sense. For every dreamer who has penned down a dream on paper, there might be the fear of it not being actualized. Now, if you hadn’t written it down, it wouldn’t be a problem. Shebi you can pretend you didn’t even think about it, and erase it from your memory with a conscious eraser?
But when it has been written? Nah, not so easy. Well, tipex might help with that, but you’ll still be able to see those scars. I believe this is a valid fear, and it happens when we dare to dream beyond our current restrictions.
I have a palliative (not curative) solution to this, which I have made use of a couple of times. When you write down things like this, do not put yourself under pressure to return to it immediately. While writing it, remind yourself that you can be real enough, you don’t have to hold back, no one is scoring you! And so, own the paper. It is yours. If you so desire, you might not return to it for a couple of months, until you are comfortable enough to go back to it.
Often times, it gladdens my heart that I was courageous enough to have written down my dreams, fears, and pains. When my heart heals oft times, or when I have attained a higher level of maturity, it is with similes that I reminisce on the events of my past.
Let nothing scare you from writing your dreams, or re-reading them (whenever you choose to- remember no pressure!).
A fellow writer